Burnout, Boundaries, and Career Identity: How to Reclaim Your Emotional Health with Dr. Amber Parks

Feeling overwhelmed at work? Thinking about quitting your job—or even your entire career—because of stress?

In this powerful episode of Healthspan Digest, host Aaron Shaw sits down with Dr. Amber Parks, a veterinarian turned burnout and stress coach, to explore why changing your job might not be the answer… and what to do instead.

You’ll learn:
• Why high-achievers are often the most vulnerable to burnout
• How blurred professional identity can sabotage emotional health
• The hidden dangers of people-pleasing and perfectionism
• Why intention and boundaries matter more than hustle
• Actionable tips to reclaim your energy without quitting your job

If you’re a driven professional, this episode will help you rethink success, set better boundaries, and protect your healthspan.

👉 Learn more about Dr. Amber Parks: 
https://www.instagram.com/the_stress_and_burnout_coach/
https://www.facebook.com/amber.parks.7731/
https://www.thestressandburnoutcoach.com/

📩 Contact Aaron at https://www.healthspanpillars.com/contact/

💥 Don’t forget to LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE with someone who needs this message.

See Coach Aaron behind the scenes in this daily YouTube VLOG on his own health and fitness journey. Subscribe, engage, and extend your healthspan. 

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Transcript

Aaron Shaw (00:00)

Have you ever thought about leaving your job because of stress, because of the stress of the job? Have you ever thought about changing not only your job, but maybe even changing your career, your entire career path because of being overwhelmed, dissatisfied, and really feeling burnt out in your career? If that has crossed your mind, you're going to want to listen to this episode. My name is Aaron Shaw. am

the host of HealthSpan Digest. And I am grateful that today we have a special guest that we're going to do a little digging into this concept of being overwhelmed and burnt out in our careers. And I think that for those of us that kind of have a little bit of kind of overachieving tendencies, sometimes over ambitious that we can kind of paint ourselves into a corner sometimes and find ourselves maybe even being our own worst enemy in this and kind of.

in a position where we are feeling overwhelmed. So we're going to unpack that with my guest, Dr. Amber Parks. But let me kind of set the stage a little bit here about this podcast. This podcast is HealthSpan Digest. And I talk about the five pillars of HealthSpan. These are exercise, nutrition, sleep, emotional wellbeing, and preventative care. And this topic is, it kind of blends in a lot of these pillars, but definitely emotionally.

emotional well-being because we know that if you we are under stress under duress that it has very real physiological impacts to our health everything from heart disease and stroke Blood pressure has a direct relationship to our emotional well-being so we want to make sure that we are caring for ourselves doing some self-care to help us live a long healthy vibrant life, which is the whole essence of healthspan and doctor and

Amber Parks is going to help us relieve all the stresses that we've ever had at work. She's going to, no, she's not going to, not going to cure all things. Let me tell you a little bit about, about Amber. She is a veterinarian turned burned out in a stress coach who knows firsthand what it feels like to be overwhelmed, exhausted, and stuck in a career that you once loved. After facing her own burnout, she now helps high achieving professionals from around the world reclaim their energy, confidence,

Amber (01:38)

You

Aaron Shaw (01:59)

enjoy without necessarily needing to quit their jobs or change careers. Dr. Parks is originally from Massachusetts and now based in somewhat humid central Florida. She's passionate about guiding others towards a work-life balance through virtual coaching. And she specializes in helping clients overcome imposter syndrome and learning to say no without guilt, which I think would be a fun thing to kind of dig into a little bit and build sustainable lives that feel fulfilling and not draining.

Thank you so much for taking the time to join us today.

Amber (02:29)

Yes, thank you so much for the opportunity.

Aaron Shaw (02:30)

Let's start off a little bit. ⁓

Well, let's talk a little bit about the, maybe set the stage here on what we're talking about. The big picture is being burnt out, feeling burnt out. Can you talk us a little bit about like what that means and what that means to you?

Amber (02:43)

Sure. Yeah, I do think burnout will look a little different for everyone. But for me, it actually encompasses all those pillars that you just talked about. And burnout is really that prolonged stress and overwhelm. stress should be, in theory, just a small, short period of time. And then

it's not stressful and life goes on. There's ebbs and flows. Burnout is just that constant going, going, going. Typically, we're in that fight or flight mode, if you will. There's just no turning off. It usually starts in our work life, but then it really seeps into our personal life. That's where things like nutrition, exercise,

preventative care, all those things are absolutely affected by burnout. the tricky part is it typically happens pretty slowly, so it's harder to recognize.

Aaron Shaw (03:42)

So that how maybe explain this a little bit more through your personal experience, because it sounds like you've gone through the those, the maybe the acute stresses and then it accumulated in your career. tell us a little bit about what maybe kind of what got you to where you are today, like what you're doing today compared to when you're in practice.

Amber (04:01)

Sure. Yeah, that you'll see, know, hindsight is always 20-20. And so I started in 2009 working as an associate in small animal practice, general practice, and right out of school, it was something where now looking back, it's comical, like how much I gave my time, my energy, my sanity at times. So veterinary medicine.

is absolutely a high-stake, high-stress type of environment. And it was something where the margin of error, if you will, is minimal to none. And so we set the standard so high, and this is what I did for myself, that about eight to nine years into practice, was really like, okay, I'm on this hamster wheel of stress. It's not slowing down.

But now my capacity to either do anything outside of work, like actually have a life, is minimal to none. And in work, I, you know, it was like just constant go, go, go. So I was getting resentful of coworkers that were asking me completely legitimate questions, like, and simple questions. And in my mind, I'm like,

don't you know I'm doing 300 things at once right now? Like, can't you figure it out? That's not how it came out because I'm also a people pleaser, which we'll talk about. But it was almost not having that vent or output for it festered, you know, those feelings of stress. And so I found myself, you know, going to work at, I don't know, 630 in the morning before we opened. I'd like eat breakfast at work, work all day.

not take a lunch break, shove some sort of unhealthy food into my mouth in between doing things. And then maybe seven, 7.30, hopefully go home. But most of the time I didn't, you know, I was staying an hour or two after closing, sometimes then I'd eat dinner at work. And so in my mind, I was being that really good doctor and being there for my patients and clients.

and being a great employee, but that was like my main focus and everything else went by the wayside. So in doing that, I gained 50 plus pounds. have still dealing with some actual chronic illnesses from that time period as well because I just didn't know how to deal with stress. So for me, it got to a point where I was just like ready to run. Like I'll do anything but go to work tomorrow.

Like, you know, it was almost to the point of like, I, it sounds crazy, but like, I, I hope I get sick because then maybe I can take a day off. So if you're having those thoughts, like that's not normal. And in the heat of the moment, it seemed like that was like, okay, you're just being a great employee and this is great for your career. So I had spoken with my boss and I said, I'm, I'm going to leave. I'm going to

go into this other position, which hindsight, and we'll talk about, would have just been another train wreck, just in a different location. It would have been me as a train wreck. And so I ended up staying for a couple years in a different capacity, but ultimately I got burnt out again. And I was really doing stuff that I enjoyed because I was working with colleagues and we were talking about cases and...

a very collaborative approach, which I loved, but then the need for veterinarians crept in and I was kind of pulled to fill certain schedule holes, if you will. So I found myself back doing appointments which were draining. And so I decided, well, if I'm going to do this, I'll do this on my own terms and do relief or locum work. So.

Essentially, I'll be my own boss. I'll go to practices that need a doctor to fill in and it'll be great. And so I did that. And to me, that was the cure for burnout. It was like, well, I make my own schedule. I practically name my own price. I work as much or as little as I want. And if I work at a hospital that maybe I don't really jive with the support staff or how they practice medicine, I just don't go back. So

In theory, that would have been the ultimate perfect situation. And after doing that for a couple of years, I got burnt out again. And that's really when it hit me that it doesn't matter what environment I found myself in. I'm still the same person trying to process any sort of stress in the same way. And so I was the common denominator and I realized I have to look at how I'm trying to process.

that stress in order for myself to really get out of burnout.

Aaron Shaw (08:38)

I want to kind of follow up on is you recognize that it was as much who you are and how you operate as much as it is. I'm in this place, this job is this position. And then maybe the, realization is when you change positions, you realize like,

Oh, now it's this place in this position and this thing. And then there's that moment where you look at the mirror and say, Oh, maybe it's the person in the mirror that could develop some skills and how to navigate these things. Yes. So when looking back on your experience, and again, hindsight is 2020. So you get the little bit of grace here, but can you look back and see signals or did you

Amber (09:08)

Yes.

Aaron Shaw (09:21)

Can you pick up on things that maybe you could have done things sooner than what you did? Like would you recognize little signs now that maybe you, you know, I'm thinking of a listener right now who's maybe teetering or maybe, maybe there are some subtle signs that you could point them to and say, Hey, be careful on this spot. Like, what does that look like?

Amber (09:36)

Yeah, I think kind of two avenues. One being in my personal life, I would, you know, have a day off and that day off wasn't restful at all. was because I had overextended myself so much at work. My days off were, okay, I'm going to get up early. I'll clean the house, do laundry, do some errands. And so I'm already

piling a bunch of things to do on my list. And what would happen is either I'm so tired that it doesn't happen and then I guilt myself into, you know, telling myself, well, I should have been able to do that. I should have been able to, you know, do all these things. Like we guilt ourselves and gaslight ourselves into thinking we're like these super humans that don't require rest. And I do think

some of that has been conditioned to believe that rest isn't productive and outward we look at other people like, oh my gosh, this person can do everything and they never take a break and they, which isn't true. We just don't see that. But also in my work life, there were things where I, yes, if I had known this sooner, I absolutely

I think could have intervened. And one was really setting boundaries with my time. So my time that I wasn't at work, I was still getting text and emails and phone calls about work. So there really was like no off switch. And again, I'm thinking just being a great employee and it's easier to answer that question right now than have to deal with it later.

but I didn't realize was now I'm becoming just openly available to anyone and everyone. And this was, know, support staff would text me with a question about their pet on some random, you know, so it was, the lines got very blurred. So I would say if you are having trouble and you're experiencing that where you're like, I can just never turn off like that, there's very few things even in healthcare that

can't wait. And I knew if it was a day off, but we were open that there was someone there that could handle that anyway, you know, like I'm, I don't have to necessarily be that go to person. recognizing where your work starts and stops and where your personal life starts, I think is a huge first step for anyone that's questioning, I in burnout or going down that road?

Aaron Shaw (12:04)

So how would somebody determine where that line is? Where do I draw that line? And I'm it's very personal and unique to any position and work expectations and a person's comfort zone. Everybody's going to be a little different, I presume. So how do I set boundaries compared to how do you set boundaries compared to the person that's listening to this right now? Like, where is that line when I take a text or I

Amber (12:04)

So how does somebody determine where that line is? Where do I draw the line?

Aaron Shaw (12:32)

stay later than I should where I am having breakfast, lunch, dinner and thinking about sleeping at work. Like where is that point where you say like here is the line and is that line consistent? Is it always like hard stop or is there any sort of like wiggle room?

Amber (12:45)

Yeah, that's a great question. would say, yes, every position is going to be a little bit different. But I would say to the listener, if you are getting those texts and emails and calls outside of work and your first thought is like maybe a little bit of anger or resentment that you're even getting contacted, that is like red flag that needs to be dealt with because that doesn't go away. Things just

worsen and we teach people how to treat us. And so I see it all the time where, and I did this, we get upset that, you know, someone reached out on our day off, but we've never set the boundary or told this person like, Hey, I, you know, I got your text yesterday. I apologize. It was my day off. That's a personal thing for me that I don't answer texts, you know, outside of work or whatever. So every

Definitely every job is different, but it's going to look like a gray area until you define it. And people will say, well, you know, they need to be able to reach me. Like, well, I think of it this way. I, you know, had cases potentially at times that were, you know, a question of life or death. And I still was able to draw those boundaries because even if I'm not at work,

There's only so much I can do via text or phone call anyway. So setting those boundaries for support staff and colleagues and coworkers definitely looks a little bit different. And the other thing I want to talk about is that most people that don't have boundaries will say, this isn't, I can't do that. And I'll ask them, okay, why, like what comes up for you? They're like, well, my boss, I'm like, hold on.

these are all external, like what other people are thinking or feeling, which we don't even know that. So in essence, they've cut off even some sort of opportunity to stop burnout by our own limiting beliefs of what we think is possible. And so to the listener that's saying, well, yeah, everyone else can, but I can't, that's exactly why you should.

Aaron Shaw (14:49)

Sorry. More reason.

Amber (14:50)

Yes.

Aaron Shaw (14:51)

Yeah, it's funny, think back to my background, I've done 30 years in human

health care and, you know, veterinary medicine, and also many other careers that are, have the sense of urgency to the, you know, to situations that there's, you know, people are in distress or the situation's under distress. It is easy to feel like there's always more to do. There's always something that can be solved. There's always, it doesn't end.

And there's this pleasure that we, that we feel, I think, when we can, you know, answer the question. Cause it was like, there was a problem. said that, you know, I gave an answer or I provided my services for 30 minutes and I did the job. That was cool. I can kind of put a bow on that and it's done. Not recognizing that it's drinking from a fire hose. It's just, it, there's always going to be more. There's always the potential for another text or another call or another situation or, can you, can you get you five quick five minutes before you start for lunch is always.

This thing could go on forever. So I always think of it as being aware that that is depending upon your, your job or your career, that is the norm. And that could always happen. You could even look at it as like, you know, cleaning the house. I mean, you could basically, you could never, you could clean your house forever and never stop. Cause it's always like particles in the air and dust and stuff. but, but with that I've both in my career and I, my wife is an orthopedic veterinary.

Amber (15:57)

Mm-hmm.

Aaron Shaw (16:07)

surgeon. so, you know, some of my network are with other, you know, vets and surgeons or whatnot. And it seems like there's people are in certain, was like camps or certain buckets or personalities. And some are the 24 seven, always available, always working, always on, always doing everything. And that seems to be, I think there's some pride in that almost like there's like, Oh, I'm tough. And I just kind of grind through it and never stop. And yet I also know

personally know several successful people in these types of positions who take a lunch every single day, leave the clinic, they're out the door by five. And it's like, wait a minute, I didn't think this was possible. know, everybody else is like, no, this is, it has to be like drinking from a fire hose. And yet there are people out there who have, maybe they're wired in a certain way, or maybe they've, you know, been on the precipice and learned how to set the boundaries and say, this is, here's the deal.

Here's when I answer my phone, here's when I don't. So it's nice to have role models out there and realize that the world still goes around, even though some people in very high demand, high stress positions see the clock turn to five o'clock or six o'clock, whatever, and they leave. So it's possible.

Amber (17:13)

Yeah, yeah, I was both those camps that you described. I was coming out of school. was that, yeah, this equals my productivity and efficiency and 24-7 and always going. now, and it was funny because we hired a doctor. I was probably about five or six years into practice. Who's phenomenal, love her to death. She's an amazing doctor. And I remember her.

putting some boundaries in place around certain clients that maybe weren't that great with her, that didn't like her, or also putting boundaries around her time. And I remember thinking, God, like you're just not, you you're not a team player or you're not really into this. And I am completely the other end of that now. And think like, wow, she was ahead of her time in a way that she...

I mean, she's still in private practice and she's still practicing. So I think there's something to be said. There's something to be said for that. And there's a fine balance and some give and take that I think we have to kind of learn a little bit as we go and what works for us. ⁓

Aaron Shaw (18:20)

seems like it'd be interesting to frame up what people think about for their careers in terms of the duration of their career. And if I want to be

in this career or this job for 30 years, 40 years, you know, like I want to, this is what I do. So I'm always going to be a veterinarian or a therapist or, or an accountant or whatever it is, then how do I pace myself? How do I make this sustainable? And I, there's a little side note I'm going to

I'm a exercise kind of guy and an endurance athlete by passion and probably by wiring. And I can recognize very well that if I'm going to get from point A to point B and a point B is way over there, I have to pace myself to get there. you know, if you're going to, for me, if like, if I'm going to ride my bike for a hundred miles, if I go breakneck speed for the first five miles, it is going to be an awful 95 miles to go. And I'm not even probably not even going to get there. And I think that sometimes careers are,

Amber (18:56)

Right.

Aaron Shaw (19:12)

the way people approach their jobs day to day is the sprint, it's the high intents, the grand finale right now. But if you have the conversation with them, you know, so what are you going to be doing in five or 10 years? It's like, this is what I do. You know, I'm the vet, I'm the tech, I'm the accountant, I'm the any, whatever this career is. And at the same time, they're clearly expressing, oh man, just like this is brutal, this is super hard. It's like, this is not compatible. The equation doesn't

doesn't look like it works right. And so to how, do you, like, what, what are some tools or tips you can help with somebody say, like, how do we frame, how do you frame that in a way that it could correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like it's for so many people, it's certainly by the time they probably reach out for help, like they're in a sense of distress and it can recognize this is not going to work for the longterm. I'm kind of tapped out. So what like,

Can they reframe that step back and say, let me tidy this up? How do they do that? What are some tools?

Amber (20:05)

Yeah,

and that's a great analogy. You know, it's really, we're not really taught, I think in any profession, how to sustain our career, right? Like you said, we go to school, you know, become lawyer, vet, accountant, whatever, and then they're just kind of push out the door, like, all right, have fun. And so what I have found is that the qualities that got us to where we are,

are not the same qualities that will sustain us. So the high achieving perfectionists that like to make sure everyone around them is happy, they have no boundaries, like that'll get you far, but it won't sustain you in that career. so anyone, and we're never really taught that. So then we get in the career and we're still going a hundred miles an hour and wonder why we hit a wall. And then we think,

okay, this is like, is this how it's supposed to be? So we just kind of push it to the side and don't really give it any thought because we think this is normal. Like I know I did. It's like, it's being an adult. You always heard, you know, your parents like works stressful. It's not going to be great. You know, that was just kind of the idea. So I think for anyone that if you're getting those feelings of like going to work and you're feeling

Aaron Shaw (21:08)

you

Amber (21:20)

dread or there's a certain aspect of your job that you really dislike, I think taking a step back and looking at the why of that because it doesn't feel like it in the moment, but a lot of times those things that you really dread that are challenging, there's a different way to approach that so that it is more sustainable. And I know for like some people in veterinary medicine really don't

enjoy the client-facing aspect of it because it can be very emotionally draining. And I always think like, okay, well, let's look at it in a way of how can I not feel like I'm giving my all in every single exam room that I go into. And there's ways around that. But what happens is that we think if we don't give our all, that that equals failure and we're not good at our job.

And so it's that little voice in our head that keeps pushing us forward to not quote unquote fail. So I really look at those things that are a pain point for you in your job and look at what is this something that is, it have to be as bad as it feels and why is that? You know, I think that's a great first step.

Aaron Shaw (22:27)

Yeah, being reflective is challenging. again, I think, especially when we're, we are probably wired a certain way, you know, we're drawn to this, you know, a career perhaps in a certain way. And so then the career maybe pours gasoline on a situation that it can, you know, exaggerate things that maybe served us well at a certain point in life. And it was a disservice for that, you know, for the marathon, for this entry for what, you know, for the long, long career, like it's just not going to be compatible.

Amber (22:30)

Mm-hmm.

Aaron Shaw (22:52)

Um, but I think this may, this may be a good kind of slight pivot here to talk about our identity. And I think that especially as we, to start, this is a long time ago for, for me, at least, you know, once upon a time you're in school and you're a student and you're pushing and you're pushing and you're trying to get the grades so you can get into the program you want, you get into the program you want, you want, and like it's really hard. You got to push and push and push. And then you graduate from the program. And, and again, this could be for any career or any, any

professional, anything anybody's doing, but you push and push and you're trying to learn how to master things. You got to kind of prove yourself when you first out of the gate then it's like, yeah, I will take the extra shift. I will double down. I will work twice as hard and it's not hard. And this may be hard for a younger person to understand, you know, five or six years goes by in a snap and you may still have your head down and you're still like, this is the thing I'm doing. This is the way it's supposed to be. And that's.

Amber (23:37)

huh.

Aaron Shaw (23:43)

You alluded to this as well. Maybe this is what it's supposed to be, and I just need to toughen up. But where in there is your professional identity in relation to your personal identity? Are those two separate things, and how do they reconcile, or can they reconcile?

Amber (24:00)

Yeah, they absolutely blend. I know they did for myself because most of your time is awake time is spent on work. And so what's very interesting is that because it starts to blend together, think then we also feel as though if I don't take that extra shift, if I don't come in early, then

I'm a failure, but I'm a failure as a person because now I've looked at that as my identity of anyone in any field. you get family members, everyone knows, talk to my parents, like, her daughter's a vet. Her daughter is a lawyer. And so that does become you. And so it is something where

to add fuel to the fire is we look at our outcomes and our accomplishments as proof that we're worthy and that we should be doing this job and this job is who we are. And so it's just kind of a snowball effect because now we're doing less things in our personal life. I mean, I like, I...

was joking the other day. like, I stopped asking high achievers if they had a hobby because a lot of them didn't. It was work was their hobby. And so I'm like, that needs to change. you know, and they almost become very, you know, like this is this is who I am and almost like a little angry if you say that this is something that you do and this is a part of you, but it's not all of you.

And so it really does, we make it mean something about us as a human. And so it gets very difficult to find that definition between, you know, Amber outside of work and Amber as a veterinarian. And I see that a lot.

Aaron Shaw (25:48)

So do you feel like this is part of the.

maybe anti burnout or the tool to kind of work on is to understand or to develop something outside of, who are you? And, you know, tell me who you are without telling me what you do for work. Like, like who you are. Like if, if that's completely stumped somebody, they don't really have much to say to say like, Hey, maybe let's talk about developing, you know, this other side. Like they reel you in a sense. Like, how do we, how do you do that? And how do you, and how much of that should we have maybe, you know, especially for people who

Amber (25:50)

paper and alcohol is just a tool.

you ⁓

Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (26:16)

love their career. I love what I do and this is fun. It's hard for me not to say, nice to meet you. This is what I do and be excited about it. How do we reconcile that? I don't know the answer. It's kind of like a, I'm not even sure how to, like the concise way to ask the question, but how do we reconcile those differences? Or is there a difference?

Amber (26:22)

Friday.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's different for everyone, for sure. And I think part of that is, I mean, number one is like boundaries. That'll be like the first step. And I think we have to remember that we, know, society has kind of told us that really, we should be living, breathing our work. Like, and that means we're

a status really of where we are in the hierarchy, if you will. And so if we don't identify with that, we sometimes feel like we're just flapping in the breeze. We really don't know. And so I think what's interesting, I heard this somewhere a long time ago, and I think there's a lot of truth to it. Like, look at what you did when you were a kid. What did you enjoy doing as a child? And for some people, it's like painting.

or riding a bike, or, you know, and so going back to some of that, it seems very simple, but there was probably some underlying feeling of joy that you had before we layered everything else on top. And I think for, and you'll probably recognize this as well, even veterinarians or anyone in the veterinary field, they enjoy animals, so that's also their hobby.

You know, like maybe they show dogs or they ride horses. And so that can blur the lines. Same thing with, you know, fitness. Like that's something they enjoy, but there's there's definitely boundaries there. And so I don't know if anything is is well defined. I think that's going to look different for everyone, because I think some people really need to separate. You know, like this is my work thing and this is my non-work thing. And it makes it

easier for other people to know what bucket to put them in, I think.

Aaron Shaw (28:18)

Yeah, it's kind of like that concept of work life balance, I have mixed feelings about that. Like the concept of that, you know, like to totally compartmentalize. And maybe this is like the gray area of, know, I want to make sure I take care of myself. And that means, you know, I want to enjoy my career, but I enjoy, I do some things on the side. Maybe the way you look at it, maybe my work is what's on the side and this is who I am as a person. don't know. Like chicken or the egg.

Amber (28:42)

Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (28:44)

But where, but to figure out is there, I'm sure everybody's different, you know, is there a specific, here's my work hard stop. Here's my, you know, life or outside work life. And there's a hard start, in a hard beginning versus being okay at times to have an unsustainable effort in one of those, in one of those, either one of those, you know, the one hand it's probably easy for us to think.

Not everybody, but hopefully for most of us, we could say, a long weekend or vacation. you know, the clinic is closed or whatever it is where it's like, okay, this is a well-defined and with my family, I'm on vacation. can't, you know, I'm unreachable for a couple of days. That's a nice way to kind of, you know, put a fence around. is my personal time. And then, you know, when you're in the clinic or in the office or out in the field, whatever you're doing, like that's a defined work time. And yet.

And I say this, I feel like I've kind of picked this up after being an entrepreneur for a long time. This, that work life balance, I sometimes look at things as seasons, almost like kind of a little bit of a broader stroke and saying, Hey, I've got to think in terms of like maybe projects. And, and I apologize for anybody who's listening, who's doing like the nine to five really like a strict schedule. This may be a little bit unusual to think about, but as an entrepreneur, there's.

Amber (29:40)

Yes.

Aaron Shaw (29:54)

no true beginning or end to my day. There's no real signal. can sit in bed at night and work on my computer. can, you know, wonder what day of the week it is. And as long as there's wifi or even just in my mind, I could be hiking in the backwoods. it's like, I still got ideas. You know, the voices in my head don't, don't ever stop, but also being okay. That maybe without getting to the point of burnout there, maybe there is a period where, Hey, I'm covering shifts for a week. I'm on call.

Amber (30:02)

Right.

Aaron Shaw (30:18)

or I've got this, it's a busy time of year, there's a seasonality to it perhaps. Is there a way to say this is okay in this situation without crossing that burnout, overwhelmed phase?

Amber (30:29)

Yeah, I was going to say that. I love that term. I think there's different seasons of that balance. And there are some that you could even say it's in the masculine or feminine energies. masculine, you're very hustle and go, go, go. And maybe you're feminine, you're a little more laid back, and there's a little more flow there. And nothing to do with gender, just more your energy and how you show up. And so, yeah, I think that

that it's life. Nothing is perfect and nothing really goes as planned. So I think seasons are okay. I think the biggest distinguishing factor is are you purposefully making that season be that way because of what... Maybe there's an outcome that you're looking for. You're looking to get some other specialization or certification where you're looking to make some extra money for a down payment on a house. Have it very...

purposeful because sometimes what I find is people will, they'll say, well, I'm just, you know, I'm stressed out and I'm burnt out, but I have a vacation in a couple of weeks, or I know someone's coming back from maternity leave and so we won't, you know, the workload will be less. And so to that, I say, you know, those again are all external factors. And if we're just kind of like right in the wave and we don't know what's going to come.

That's really what sets us up to not have those parameters. So I think that you have to do it with purpose and there has to be either like, there's intention there, whether that's an outcome or a certain end result that you're looking for.

Aaron Shaw (31:57)

Yeah, what the you said the word intention, that's exactly the word I was like kind of summarizing that in my mind. Even the intention is there can be with intention. I feel like there's less, you know, right or wrong. I don't know if even right or wrong is right where to say it, but it's like, no, I know what I'm doing. I know I'm working more hours today than I would want to, but there's I'm eyes wide open. I'm doing the thing. And I think about this with part of my coaching is I

Amber (32:04)

Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (32:25)

I do exercise, nutrition and sleep and life is chaotic. I can put it on a spreadsheet and it looks good for some sort of lab experiment or something like that, but it's not how the real world works. When they start working with me sometimes it's, but I'm afraid that you're going to tell me I can't have dessert. I'm like, oh, no, no. Have dessert to be clear. Yes, have dessert. Do it with intention. Don't get cheap dessert.

make it so delicious and amazing. Like it's like, this is awesome and embrace it and feel no guilt because you're, you're being mindful. And just by like framing that thing in this case, maybe, you know, somewhat relatable example for those of us that like dessert now and then, you know, to have that in front of us and say, I know what I'm doing. I'm doing it on purpose. There's a reason for it. And if it's joy for right now, or, know, to go with a dessert example, if it's, you know,

Amber (32:52)

Right.

Aaron Shaw (33:15)

it's Thanksgiving or I'm with family and friends and it's date night or whatever it is. It's like, heck yes, I'm going to do this thing because it fits just right. Or I'm going to work more hours because I'm trying to save up some money to pay off my credit card or to put a down payment on a house. It's intention. Like I'm doing this. Do you feel like that would help?

Amber (33:28)

Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (33:31)

maybe be a buffer to burnout? if you're kind of being thoughtful about that.

Amber (33:35)

Yeah,

I think so. I think that high achievers and a lot of people are really good at moving the goal line, that finish line, and we get close and we're like, wow, we practically did it. So we can do a little bit more. That's, yes, that is the difference. I've done it myself. I see it in my clients.

Aaron Shaw (33:50)

One more month.

Amber (33:56)

I think what happens is we get so focused on the outcome that we miss the journey to get there and we forget that intention. it has to be, the awareness has to be there of, you know, what am I, what is the end result? And what am I going to do after that? You know, once I get to that point, what is my next step? Because ultimately sometimes we'll just keep pushing that finish line a little bit further down the road until we end up.

burnt out because there is no end and there is no intention there. So there's, kind of just going rogue essentially.

Aaron Shaw (34:31)

Yeah, and I think that's certainly with high achievers and certainly with high achievers, I feel like there's also

people who have a challenge being really reflective on like a, am I doing the thing? And it's, you know, this is what I'm supposed to do. And this is, you know, I graduate and I'm following in this sort of like well-worn path of put your head down and depending upon our generation, you know, I mean, my parents, was, you start working, well, my parents, it's you start working at one place and you work there until you die. That is like the concept of changing jobs, which now has been like, it's a hobby for people to hop around.

Amber (34:58)

Right? Yep, yeah.

Yeah

Aaron Shaw (35:04)

different jobs.

It's all different, but it's interesting to of like try to frame it up in a way of purpose and intention. And I think that to throw in what I always feel like is the process, like embracing, like, I recognize that this is who I am, this is how I'm wired. And maybe coming up against some sort of friction is maybe it's almost like the subconscious goal. I maybe I'm sort of like,

This is my therapy session a little bit, I also took a pivot in my career. was working in hospitals and clinics and stuff and I said, I just can't take anymore. This isn't the place I want to be in. I was either going to quit therapy altogether or I going to start my own practice. So, started my own practice, whole different set of problems and challenges. In essence, it was just a different set of challenges, ones that I maybe

Amber (35:27)

Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (35:48)

enjoyed facing a little bit more, had felt like I had more control. But the ultimate gut feeling of stress and overwhelm and the work never ends was actually the same. mean, so it was like, it really just of making this tiny, almost like superficial level change. really like kind of like the deep down part of it was, this is just who I am. And so now, it's taking the time to reflect, take pause, and I'm a

Amber (35:58)

Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (36:10)

You know, my habit is journaling. got to write down stuff in a sense, just to kind of take a look back and say, here I am. Like I'm doing my thing again. Let me kind of step back and recognize that this is just part of the journey. It's another day. Where do I draw the line? You know, there's nothing, if I don't do something for this afternoon, nobody's going to die. There's not like, know, life's on the line. So I can kind of take pause, but I think that's really hard if we are.

Amber (36:13)

Yeah.

Right.

Aaron Shaw (36:33)

wired a certain way. And so it's maybe the awareness of it is more is as powerful as any like tool in a toolbox, perhaps for me, anyhow. But yeah, but I'll digress with that. So let's kind of wrap up a little bit here. Just maybe kind of throw in a little bit about how I feel like the concept of self care or maybe even neglecting our own needs is also kind of a sign telltale sign that maybe

Amber (36:41)

Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (36:56)

Things are going over the edge a little bit. Do you find that in your clients?

Amber (36:58)

Yeah,

I do. It's funny. I'll get some that will come to me and they're like, I know I need more self-care and I'm going to start going to yoga. I'm like, hold on. You're just adding more things to your plate. That's not going to help. Let's look at, again, doing maybe yoga from a place of intention and want and like instead of feeling like it's another thing we check off. So self-care

I use it as like a buzzword because it kind of, think it means different things to different people. Self-care could be doing your taxes, know, like things that you have to do that you'll feel better when it's done type of thing. So I do think that, you know, having some sort of line of really where that is. And I think too for people to recognize

it's not about just getting to the end result. It's just the process of getting there, which isn't really how society delivers that piece of information to us. So the other thing that I wanted to mention that does not this is very much subconscious. You're talking about subconscious and below kind of our awareness is that a lot of the things that we do so

maybe over committing to things, whether that's at work or not, people pleasing, making sure other people's emotions are managed and doing everything perfection. Like really when that comes down to the very core, there has the potential there of some feeling of a lack of self-worth or low self-esteem because we're looking externally for all that validation and

What's really messed up is we get it because we help people. you're so helpful. Thank you so much. We do think, yeah, we do things perfectly. my gosh, that was so great. And so what we don't realize is it's positively reinforcing those behaviors essentially.

Aaron Shaw (38:37)

Thank you.

Amber (38:48)

we can't look at it as just another box to check. Because if you're like me, you'll have a to do list and you'll do three things and you'll add two more. And if you're listening and you're doing that, that's not normal. And so yeah, learning, it's just learning the time boundaries. But also, if you are

You know, if it feels uncomfortable to check things off that list and not add things, that's what we have to really dig into. Yeah. Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (39:13)

Yeah, I think that that's, that's a so important point and it's

hard and hard for those of us that are driven and it's like to add things to a list is easy and it's almost sometimes, I don't know, maybe a little bit of a sideways way to look at it, but sometimes it's actually kind of a lazy cop out. I'm going to add a bunch of little tiny, like I get this big long list of stuff to do and it's easy to do like, go grocery shopping, not do laundry. I'll do this little tiny, I'll answer some emails when ultimately there's like a big.

you know, like the one major thing that I need to do that really is going to impact my life. But it's more f full and maybe it's a little bit more emotionally challenging for me to kind of get to that space. I'm just gonna be like, I'm super busy. I'll get it. somebody just called. I gotta go do the thing. And, you know, so I can I get it and I've, you know, I certainly I can say this because I struggle with all with all that stuff. I get them been in healthcare for 30 years. So codependency and helping people pleasing is my jam. But

Amber (39:56)

yeah.

Yep, yep.

Aaron Shaw (40:09)

But also there are sometimes like being that over committed is actually kind of, is, I look at it as being a little bit, I mean, it's self, it can be self-defeating and it's a little bit easier than saying no, which is I think that when it comes to like those boundaries, like saying no, no, you don't need to focus on like which yoga class to go on. Perhaps look at the chaos of your life and take one thing out of it. And that's.

Amber (40:20)

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (40:31)

That is

the exercise of the day. No, don't fill that 15 minutes slot up with a class or half hour slot up with a class. Just leave it empty. For many of us, that is more nerve wracking than I should be doing something else. Maybe I can fit in two things real quick and on my way to this thing,

Amber (40:43)

Yeah.

and that chaos, like when we're in that fight or flight for so long, our mind and body will look to fill those holes. So that's the other thing is that we take something off the list. And I mean, I had a client tell me not that long ago, she said, the thought of slowing down feels so uncomfortable

And that's what I tell people, like, you can change jobs and professions. If it's like how our brain is wired. Like when I went into relief work, I had a lot more time. I was doing some crazy ambitious gym routine, you know, working a 14 hour overnight shift and then going to the gym, which was awful. And home renovate, you know, so like it's getting down to the core of why we do that is where that change happens. Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (41:35)

deep. Well, Amber, let's help our listeners with what I like to wrap up every episode with and that is saying, if there was one thing that somebody could do today to extend their healthspan, specifically their emotional well being around the burnout work thing, what is one thing you think somebody could benefit from doing or learning?

Amber (41:54)

Yes,

I think it sounds simple, but in those moments of feeling very overwhelmed, stressed, you feel like frustrated. The biggest thing you can ask yourself is what is in my control right now? And the things that often aren't in our control, is my boss going to like the project that I did? Is that person going to respond to my email? Like we don't

We worry about them and I get that, that's a whole other topic, but we don't have control over them. So when we can shift that energy towards what do I have control over? Like maybe getting out of work on time or going for that run and putting energy towards the things we want, we'll start to kind of have those changes and absolutely, you know, less stress is going to have such positive health benefits too.

Aaron Shaw (42:41)

that sounds like the voice of experience Amber

Amber (42:41)

But it's awesome.

Yep. I still try

to go down that road. So I got to pull myself back. Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (42:50)

Yes, we do need to take our own medicine. Well, Dr. Amber Parks, she is a vet turned burnout and stress coach. I will have

all of your contact information on both this YouTube version of this podcast and on the other platforms where people listen to it. I'm super grateful for the time, great conversation. The struggle for me was trying to say, if I could go down that path, I could go down this path. like the, maybe it just highlights how important.

Amber (43:12)

Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (43:15)

And really the keystone of our emotional wellbeing truly is in our health. And specifically for those of us that are ambitious people and like to maybe add more things to the lists and are uncomfortable taking things away from the list, is, there are health consequences if we're not careful with that, literal, can, know, the cliche of people having heart attacks from that are that stress related. And it does sound a little bit cliche, cliche, but it's also

Amber (43:31)

Yeah.

Aaron Shaw (43:37)

very scientifically, physiologically sound. These things that would happen were under chronic stress has a direct impact on our health span and our lifespan. take some tips from this episode and if you have any more questions, reach out to Dr. Amber Parks. I'm sure she'd be able to help you out. And thanks again for your time. I really appreciate it.

Amber (43:55)

Yeah, thank you so much for the opportunity. Yeah, reach out to me, send me a DM on social media, hop on my website and yeah, we'll get talking. I can help you out.

Aaron Shaw (44:04)

All right. I'll talk to you soon.

Amber (44:05)

Alright, sounds good. Thanks. Bye.